Flylady Column, Feb. 15

Scarlet O’Hara Syndrome
by The FlyLady, Marla Cilley

Our homes are filled with tons of stuff. There is only so much space in our homes but our stuff is expanding to fill every crack, crevice and cubby hole. It has grown at a cancerous rate!

In fact, it is not only multiplying at a remarkable rate but it is consuming us at the same time. It is robbing us of our self-esteem. It is stealing our time and it is alienating us from our family and friends. We have to put a stop to it.

I want you to think about when you first contracted this disease of stuff. In our book “Body Clutter,” we ask you what your comfort food was. We wanted you to look at why that food soothed you. I am going to use this assignment when it comes to our clutter. Clutter doesn’t happen overnight. It gradually sneaks in the door.

My clutter began to accumulate from having nothing but the clothes on my back after a bad marriage. Within a year I had accumulated everything I could possibly need into my two-bedroom cabin on the farm.

I like to think of this as the Scarlet O’Hara Syndrome. I was determined to never be without my stuff again. As a result of this stubborn resolve I unconsciously began collecting. Not for the sake of a cherished item but because I was trying to fill an empty hole. This is much the same way we do it with food. We will never be able to get enough stuff to fill that hole.

I want to help you eliminate this need for more stuff and at the same time give you the courage to let the clutter go. You don’t need “stuff” to define you as a person. This clutter is standing in the way of your peace.


I want you to take Scarlet’s quote – “As God is my witness, they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again." – and use it to help you eliminate your clutter. Let’s take her determination and use that power to Fling!

I am going to reword the quote for my FlyBabies:

“As God is my witness, CLUTTER is not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry for stuff again.”

We can stop this cancer in its tracks with our SHE (Sidetracked Home Executives) traits. We have determination! We can hyper-focus and we want to FLY! Finally Love Yourself!

Are you ready to get rid of your clutter, one bag at a time? That is how it came into your home. You can't organize clutter; you can only get rid of it. Organizing clutter is no better than a Band-Aid on a cancerous tumor. The growth needs to be removed before the healing can take place.

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out her website and join her free mentoring group at http://www.flylady.net/ or her book, Sink Reflections published by Bantam and her New York Times Best Selling book, Body Clutter published by Fireside. Copyright 2010 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever

by The FlyLady, Marla Cilley

This time of year we all start getting cabin fever. This sickness is fueled by the never-ending flow of our junk mail filled with gardening and seed catalogs. I am a sucker for them. The thought of a beautiful garden filled with fruit trees and butterflies attacking bushes and perennials makes me smile.

When we first married the patch of dirt in front of our home would not grow anything. We are surrounded by a forest. The only open spot is just above our home and where a maple tree had to be removed. Direct sunlight only happens at noon. I spent a whole winter plotting and scheming.

When I moved into Robert’s home in 1996, I was determined to make it mine too. I was not going to move in and not unpack! This went for the yard too! The first thing I needed to do was figure out what I liked and what I didn’t like about the front yard. That was easy! I didn’t like the ivy that grew on the concrete block wall that was beside our driveway. The rest was going to be a little more challenging.

As those gardening books and magazines flooded into our home I would spend 15 minutes culling through them with scissors in hand. Each time I saw something I liked, I cut it out and put it into a sheet protector. Then I placed that sheet into my Garden Control Journal. This was just a place to keep my wish list. It had no plan except for holding the things that I loved along with some interesting articles. After I was through clipping pictures, I tossed the magazine into the recycle bin. Slowly my vision for our garden began to blossom in my head and my Garden Control Journal. But it was not on the ground in front of our home. No one was going to see it stuck in my book. For this vision to come to life there had to be actions.

I began one baby step at a time and with the use of a timer. I knew me! I can hyper-focus with the best of them. I set my timer for 15 minutes and pulled some ivy! Each day I decluttered a little bit of the ivy. The best part was that I didn’t kill myself in the process.

That decluttered ivy unveiled an ugly block wall. One project led to another one. Isn’t that the way it always goes? Thank goodness! We don’t have to do it all at once. I know you really want to get your home organized RIGHT THIS MINUTE, but stop yourself! I don’t want you to crash and burn.

You can’t develop habits that will take root if you try to do everything at once. Baby steps and being kind to yourself are the seeds to growing effective habits and cultivating them into routines that will nourish you the rest of your life.

Are you ready to plant the seeds of change in your home? Get out your timer! Set it! Then go shine your sink! It is the actions that plant the seeds; not the wishing for the clean house!

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out the Flylady’s Web site and join her free mentoring group at http://www.flylady.net/ or get her book, “Sink Reflections” published by Bantam. Or get her New York Times best-selling book, “Body Clutter,” published by Fireside. Copyright 2010 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

Happiness is Not a State You Visit

by The FlyLady,

Marla Cilley

All I have ever wanted for you was happiness! As I stand in front of my fireplace, I realize I have surrounded myself with things that make me happy.

.

Pam and Peggy's book "The Happiness File" taught me many wonderful ways to nurture myself and identify what really does make me happy. At first you don't know what makes you happy. You just know what does not make you happy.

.

For me it started with shining my sink. I knew that a sink full of dirty dishes made me as bad as that nasty water smelled.

.

When I focused on that one habit of keeping my sink clean and shiny, I found happiness each morning. The joy of cooking returned because I was not already behind before starting to cook. That one little habit changed my life.

.

My next habit was decluttering for 15 minutes a day. I had held on to so many painful memories. The act of getting those out of my home gave me joy. I would never have to feel those unhappy memories again as I walked across the room. Now my home only has good memories. If an item becomes a bad memory, I immediately declutter it.

.

I learned from the Happiness File that simple routines for the morning, afternoon and evening can free me up to enjoy the beauty that is all around me. With my work done, I was free to play, free to create or free to just sit. No guilt! A life with no guilt is a happy life.

.

Do you want to find happiness? Just sitting and hoping that happiness will find you is not going to happen. It takes practice to find out what brings you joy. With "The Happiness File," I was able to work on one habit each month to help me find my joy. With this habit of practicing new things each month I found my calling in life!

.

I built my very own happiness file right under my own roof. I had happy places in every room of my home: My kitchen had a clean and shiny sink, my living room had my favorite chair and a clean coffee table, my bedroom had a comfy bed that was made and my bathroom was clean and inviting each time I went in there. That was a lot because I was drinking my water and taking care of myself.

.

Happiness is not a state you visit for a short period to time. It is a place you reside. Make your home your happiness file and you will find the joy that you have been searching for right under your own roof.

* * * * *

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out The FLYlady's Website and join her free mentoring group at http://www.flylady.net/ or get her book, "Sink Reflections," published by Bantam. Her New York Times Best-Selling book, "Body Clutter," is published by Fireside. Copyright 2010 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

Is Your Armor Keeping You Down?

It's the FlyLady, Marla Cilley!

The FlyLady can help you with your household clutter, your purse clutter, and the clutter within yourself.

For this column, you need to know the meaning of a couple acronymns:

FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself
CHAOS is for Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome

You know, the kind of CHAOS where you don't answer the door when someone knocks because your house is too messy to let anyone enter.

The FlyLady will appear here weekly, usually on Monday afternoons. Her columns contain common sense approaches to house cleaning. I hope you'll not only check back here every week to read her column, but you'll also go to her Web site to learn more about the FlyLady's system.

IS YOUR ARMOR KEEPING YOU DOWN?

Have you been wearing your heart on your sleeve? Do you perceive that you have been wronged in some way by others? Are you wearing all the wrongs like a cloak of armor? Have these wrongs been the foundation for your whining? Are they what have kept you from FLYing?

*

Armor is heavy stuff! When we blame others we need to look closely at our own actions. This is why we tell you that this is a NO WHINING ZONE!

*

Tribes used to sacrifice a poor innocent goat for their sins. They would heap all their sins on the scapegoat and send it out into the wilderness. Have all the wrongs been heaped upon you? Do you feel like the scapegoat? Are you acting like a martyr? Have you been hoarding these wrongs?

*

This is just like we do with clutter; we hold on to things past their usefulness. When we get our feelings hurt it is best to discuss it as soon as possible. The longer it festers, the worse it is on you!

*

Are you hearing this? The person who has wronged you may not even know he or she has done anything to hurt your feelings and may not even care. If you don’t talk about it and clear the air, you will be the only one suffering. Discussing the wrong will let you know two things; they are mean and need to be prayed for, or they didn’t know they had hurt your feelings and they apologize. Either way you have released the wrong and it is no longer being hoarded.

*

Some of you are going to argue that it is not easy to forgive and forget. If you notice, I didn’t say forget! When a snake shows its fangs, this is a warning! If you pick that snake up and put it in your pocket, whose fault is it when you get bitten?

*

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. You get what you give. But if you give in order to get, you will always be left wanting!

*

At the start of this New Year let’s symbolically take off that armor of wrongs! Put each wrong on a Post-It Note. Imagine that you peel each wrong off your sleeve and put it in an old pie pan. Then take it outside and put a match to them, or put them in your fireplace. As you watch your wrongs (the ones you have been hoarding) go up in smoke, send a prayer of gratitude up with it. Be thankful you no longer have to hold on to this and thankful that now you know!

*

Leanne and I also have a whole chapter in our book, “Body Clutter,” devoted to forgiveness. I just listened to our new audio version. This chapter is powerful!

*

My wish for you in this New Year is that you release the wrongs by forgiving others and yourself and open up your wings to FLY!

For more help getting rid of your CHAOS, check out the Web site and join the free mentoring group at http://www.FlyLady.net, or check out her book, “Sink Reflections,” published by Bantam, and her New York Times Best-Selling Book, “Body Clutter,” published by Fireside. Copyright 2010 Marla Cilley Used by permission in this publication.

New weekly feature coming

Are you overwhelmed by your clutter? Is it just too much for you to even think about cleaning?

Never fear, help is on the way!!

I can't tell you any more just right now, but later today I will post a new weekly feature that will help you climb out of the clutter, not only in your house but in your personal life as well. In fact, the first feature is on forgiveness.

What better way to begin a new year than by decluttering our homes and our lives!